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Family friendly and 'green' statues coming soon

Series: April Fools | Story 3

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A new sculpture, by renowned sculptor Angelomichaelli, will soon be installed at Niwot's Sculpture Park at 79th Street and Niwot Road by the Popular Culture Committee. The artwork is titled, "What Now, Niwot?" and was commissioned by the PC Committee. An anonymous caller demanded that a fig leaf be strategically placed on the sculpture "to avoid offending the sensibilities of the community." In an abundance of caution to avoid offending anyone, the PC Committee agreed to comply with the request; however, when a fig leaf could not be located, a locally grown substitute was added.

There's a new statue coming to town. The female statuette is getting her male companion at Niwot's Sculpture Park.

But in a nod to Victorian sensibilities, there will be a slight alteration to both the male and female forms. "We've received several suggestions, which read more as complaints, about the visibility of certain portions of the statues," according to Prudence Peccadillo of the Popular Culture Committee (PC Committee)."As a result, the PC Committee has gone back in history and looked at how those fun-loving Victorians handled nudity. For them, a fig leaf was the order of the day.

"We are happy to say that we are updating the process to make it more 21st century friendly," she continued. "In a nod to our most important economic sector, we're adding a cannabis leaf. We used to call it 'marijuana' back in my younger days, but now the PC term seems to be 'cannabis.' We all believe that this is more palatable."

The practice of covering stone private parts actually predates the stuffy Victorians. Pope Innocent X started the practice in the 17th century with chiseling off the offending "naughty bits." Michelangelo had issues with Pope Julius II over the "scandalous" nudity of the Sistine Chapel ceiling. Even his famed David sculpture was not immune, as a fig leaf plaster cast was placed over David's famous "junk" in the Cast Courts in the Victoria and Albert Museum. Even though that David was a copy, the message was loud and clear.

Almost as much care will be taken in replicating the pot leaf as is going into the statues, according to the PC Committee. Various strains of ganga will be studied, with special attention paid as to whether a Humboldt County, Calif. or the hardier Delta, Colo. version will be used. Best of all, this grass won't need watering or "weeding."

In either case, Colorado's second state song, "Rocky Mountain High", will be played at the unveiling. "While 'Oh Colorado' is the original state song," Peccadillo said, "everyone knows what John Denver was really singing about."


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