All Local, All The Time

Articles from the 'April Fools' series


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  • RTD unveils new eco-friendly transit system

    Clare Voyant|Mar 30, 2022

    With gas prices trending higher and expected to stay that way, the financially-troubled Regional Tribulation District (RTD) announced last week that it will eliminate bus routes between Longmont and Boulder in favor of a greener alternative. Launching on April 31, the Zip2Boulder system will take commuters from a 70-foot platform at the Niwot Park-n-Ride on a zip line to one of three stops along Highway 119 (the Diagonal). "When we told our accounting department to get creative about cutting... Full story

  • Anarchy erupts in Niwot neighborhood

    Mar 30, 2022

    A group of extremists concerned about onerous parking regulations in Boulder County briefly seized a residential block in the Morton Heights neighborhood last week. Calling themselves FREE CAR Niwot, the extremists barricaded both ends of Morton Road and declared an autonomous parking zone. "We just want to park our cars near our property, and not have to worry about how many inches past the property line we are, or when the street sweeper is coming by," a release from the group read. "Can't...

  • Rockin' Rails to feature rap and hip-hop

    Warren Piece|Mar 30, 2022

    Organizers of the popular Rockin' Rails concert series announced that the new lineup will feature rap and hip-hop artists this summer. "The Sooper Bowl half-time show was so popular that we decided to save face and add some hip-hoppers and wrappers this summer," event co-manager Dan Eagle said. "We've asked our booking agent to bring in Snoopy Dog and M&M to oblige some requests from Mary J. We're ready for the next episode." "The classic rockers are getting a bit long in the tooth, and we need...

  • Whistle Stop Park may live up to historic name

    Nellie Nibnose|Mar 30, 2022

    Do you like Rock & Rails? Have you ever ridden the Winter Park Ski Train? A summer version of that train may be coming to Niwot on Thursday evenings for our town's summer concert series. The word is out on Rock & Rails, and Denver music lovers are tuned in. At the moment, plans are still a bit up in the air, but the SBNF (Simply Beautiful Niwot Fun) rail plan is in the works, and it has the NACC's (Niwot Activity Community Club) basic approval. "The plan works on so many levels." one NACC...

  • Infrastructure law doling out money to pave subdivisions

    Patricia Laughin|Mar 30, 2022

    Boulder County is at long last getting funds to pave orphaned subdivision roads. Money from the federal infrastructure law is being filtered through the county and distributed to individuals so they can pave the section of road in front of their residence. Funds are available to homeowners and tenants who live outside Boulder city limits. The exception is those who live on a major artery or school bus route. The county is already doing road repairs on those streets if, and only if, there is a...

  • GUNI Trail established

    Warren Piece|Mar 30, 2022

    Residents of Niwot and Gunbarrel, long overlooked by the powers that be in Longmont and Boulder, have begun to do something about it. The LOBO Trail, which reputedly runs from Longmont to Boulder and back, and seemingly uphill both ways, was named for LOngmont and BOulder. But you can't actually get all the way to Boulder from Longmont on a trail, as sections are incomplete as the "trail" makes its way through south Gunbarrel. You can get from Longmont all the way to Niwot, and from Niwot to...

  • Prairie dogs could be the first mammals to colonize Mars

    Patricia Laughin|Mar 31, 2021

    Boulder County is looking to allocate money from the sustainability tax to fund a series of experiments that could lead to the first furry colonies in space. "If things go well, we could see prairie dogs relocated to another planet within a matter of years," said Agricultural Specialist G.D. Riddance. "Since prairie dogs already live in colonies, they are the perfect species to colonize Mars." Mars rover Perseverance will be needed to drill below the surface to see if there is enough frozen...

  • Niwot High mascot under fire

    Claire Voyant|Mar 31, 2021

    Activists from the organization Please Understand Mature Attraction (PUMA) are putting pressure on administrators at Niwot High to change the school's longtime Cougar mascot, a symbol they say is offensive. "Our culture is not your caricature," President Venus Hunter (56) of PUMA said during a protest held in Cottonwood Quadrangle. "We are real people, with real emotions, and don't like to see ourselves reduced to a cartoon." More than a dozen PUMA members attended the demonstration, which gathe...

  • The Boss to appear at Rock & Rails

    Patricia Laughin|Mar 31, 2021

    Some call him Bruce, others The Boss, but whatever you call him, you may be seeing him at the Rock & Rails concert series this summer. While he's known for playing to huge crowds, "The Boss" is from a small town and has an affinity for communities like Niwot, which leaves the door open for a date at the renowned Thursday night concert series. If COVID is under control by July, concert goers could hear new renditions of songs that are tweaked for The Boss' Small Town America Tour: "2nd Avenue...

  • High-end housing development to use compost for green heat

    Nellie Nibnose|Mar 31, 2021

    April 1 Boulder Country – There may be a green light at the end of the tunnel for the proposed and then possibly canceled Rainbow Composting Facility. Although the application was removed, the project may have new life. The new take is a proposed upscale housing development which would be, at the very least, heated from Rainbow Composting Facility "gas" emissions. The End of the Rainbow development, while in preliminary planning stages, has attracted a lot of interest from as far away as K...

  • New roundabout at Highway B-52 sparks conflict

    Warren Piece|Mar 31, 2021

    The State Transportation Department announced that a new roundabout will soon be in operation at the intersection of Highway B-52 and County Line Road east of Niwot. The traffic control device will include reduced speed signs posted for traffic approaching the intersection from both the Weld County and Boulder County side, directing traffic to slow to 35 miles per hour. The announcement met with mixed reactions from local government officials. Boulder County Commissioners hailed the move as an...

  • "Anchorman" star happy to see renaming of Niwot's Burgundy Park

    Patricia Laughin|Apr 1, 2020

    He can't be here in person due to the coronavirus, but the star of the movie, "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy," is sending his blessing to Niwot residents as they add Ron to the name of the Burgundy Park neighborhood. "It's about time," said Will Ferrett, who played Ron Burgundy in the 2004 film. He recalled a line from the movie that explains why he thinks it is 16 years late. "I don't know how to put this, but I'm kind of a big deal. People know me. I'm very important. I have many...

  • Significant controversy surrounds prairie dog social distancing measures

    Hawk Strike|Apr 1, 2020

    New measures by Boulder County to enforce prairie dog social distancing are facing blazing criticism from scientists and citizens alike. The county commissioners last week announced the new decree, aimed at "helping the small creatures in our county show solidarity with the humans who have been enduring increasingly extreme social distancing and stay-at-home measures," according to Boulder County Manager Barbara "Red" Taype. The measure, which calls for a $10,000 budget to build walls in county...

  • Area businesses taking advantage of "daiquiri delivery" loophole

    Apr 1, 2020

    An emergency coronavirus response measure that Colorado Governor Jared Polis rolled out this week has an unexpected loophole, and local businesses are rushing to be the first to corner a new market. The initial "stay at home" order by Denver's mayor Michael Hancock, which went into effect on March 24, at 5 p.m., caused a panic and rush to liquor and pot stores, which were initially set to be closed under the order. Governor Polis extended the order to the entire state on Thursday, March 26, at...

  • Local merchants regret selling cursed monkey paw to students

    Clare Voyant|Apr 1, 2020

    With virtually all area economic activity at a halt due to coronavirus restrictions, Jim and Mary Good of Good Find Antique Store in Niwot (666 2nd Ave.) said they are now having second thoughts about selling a cursed monkey's paw to a group of local high school students, who told the pair they needed the mummified relic for "research purposes." "They said they wanted to examine the ugly thing as part of some video project or something or other," Mary Good said about the shriveled, disembodied...

  • Family friendly and 'green' statues coming soon

    Nellie Nibnose|Apr 1, 2020

    There's a new statue coming to town. The female statuette is getting her male companion at Niwot's Sculpture Park. But in a nod to Victorian sensibilities, there will be a slight alteration to both the male and female forms. "We've received several suggestions, which read more as complaints, about the visibility of certain portions of the statues," according to Prudence Peccadillo of the Popular Culture Committee (PC Committee)."As a result, the PC Committee has gone back in history and looked...