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Prairie dogs invoke forced pooling statute in order to burrow under adjacent homes

 

Dani Hemmat

Not in my backyard—Cranky Chihuahua Tootie, who lives in a cul-de-sac off Kincross Drive and opposes prairie dog encroachment, is a lead plaintiff in a class-action lawsuit to stop the rodents from invoking forced pooling.

APRIL 1—The prairie dogs of White Rocks have recently served notice of mandatory forced pooling to some Heatherwood residents, invoking the Colorado state statute that will allow them to burrow underneath homes adjacent to their current colony between White Rocks and Kincross Way.

Residents along Kincross Way received notice of the prairie dog colony’s intent to begin burrowing underneath their homes within the next nine months, according to a heated and somewhat panicky thread on NextDoor Heatherwood. While some people were focused on the potential health threats of the industrious rodents setting up new roadways and condominiums underneath their homes, most residents were chagrined by the compensation offered by representatives of the colony.

“They aren’t offering us any money,” groused Kincross homeowner Penny Pincher, who started the thread on NextDoor by posting unflattering photos of prairie dogs, their fat little bottoms high in the air. “I mean, look,” said Pincher, “clearly with well-fed bottoms like that, those little buggers can share some of the wealth. If they think they’re going to burrow under my home without a little kick-back in my direction, they’ve got another think coming!”

Others focused more on the health issues that the burrowing dogs’ expansion could bring and were eager to share their concerns on the social media platform.

Dani Hemmat

Prairie dogs living near the Heatherwood subdivision have announced plans to invoke an obscure Colorado statute to gain access to the area beneath their neighbors’ homes.

“I’m really concerned about them breathing my air and my kids’ air,” said I. Koffalot. “They start off by eating the grass, which makes mowing my lawn so much less fun. I love to mow and water. Really, I do. But then, before you know it, they are breathing the same air. I bought this house with the intent of keeping all this oxygen to myself. It would be criminal for them to think they can also breathe that air.”

“What’s next?” asked Tanya Hyde, another Kincross Way resident, “Will the hawks start hanging out on our swingset, hoping to grab a tasty bite to eat? I don’t want my kids to have to clean up hawk feces off of their teeter-totter. I ask you, is this still America?”

The prairie dogs of White Rocks could not be reached for comment, but that’s not a really big deal, since they don’t speak human. If they could, they’d probably just shake their heads sadly and keep living their little lives.

 

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