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Dr. Philip Stephan Working With Couples Through Imago Relationship Therapy
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By Mary Wolbach Lopert Dr. Philip Stephan sees a wide range of patients. He has patients who need help dealing with anger management, depression, grief and loss. But at least half of his practice is the result of his training in Imago Relationship Therapy. Imago, from the Latin word meaning image, is a couples therapy.  Born in Iowa and raised in Pueblo, CO. Stephan has had 10 years of training in this therapy. He also holds a masters of sacred theology from Concordia Seminary in St. Louis, MO. and a Ph.D. in psychology from United States International University in San Diego, CA. Previously, he had a practice in Boulder and Seattle, WA. His current office is at the Shepherd of the Hills Lutheran Church in Gunbarrel, where he works in conjunction with the Samaritan Counseling Centers. According to Stephan, this therapy is based on the idea “that we find and fall in love with the people (who) will fulfill our hopes and dreams that we have all had from childhood.” This relationship would also fulfill some of the needs that might not have been met in childhood. As a marriage matures, conflicts and differences arise, and couples often get stuck in repeated arguments and struggles that are rooted in those unmet hopes and needs. “This therapy is founded on the principal that when an unconscious marriage (needs and dreams not realized or known) becomes conscious, couples have the power and ability to heal and help grow. Impasses and power struggles can be resolved by a conscious use of dialogue, hearing and understanding each other, validating each other’s feelings and expressing empathy for the partner’s feelings.” From these basic skills, couples can ask for behavior changes, learn how to contain anger and resolve conflict. “Compromise in this therapy is a dirty word. Nobody wins with compromise. The win/win position is to be able to work through (issues) so that both people can get what they need.” When a couple comes in with problems, Stephan said, “The first rule of thumb is to pull back all blame of the partner and to look inside, so that it builds self-awareness.” Couples are taught how to use active listening, how to validate each other’s feelings and how to show and feel empathy. Stephan said couples can “make the marriage intentional.” He continued by stating that misunderstandings can be solved by “carrying that skill on to other changes in behavior…. There is one skill and seven processes we use. The one skill is the dialogue. The seven processes are various techniques … in helping people deal with frustrations they feel in a marriage, from sex to finances, and to get at how all these things are related. Most of them probably go back to familiar ‘stuff.’” Ultimately Imago Relationship Therapy is based on a “therapeutic model.” It involves getting at the imago, the image of what we think we are marrying, the pain of our disappointment trying to get these childhood wounds healed, and then moving though it. Dr. Philip G. Stephan, S.T.M., Ph.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist. He has offices at Shepherd of the Hills Lutheran Church, 7077 Harvest Rd. Boulder, and at Bethlehem Lutheran Church 1000 15th Ave., Longmont. Office hours are 12 noon to 8 p.m. Monday through Friday. Call 303-774-1662 for more information. |
Posted January 2001