Change—one of life’s constants. Some changes or transitions are welcome, some are not and all can be uncomfortable. Transitions mark the closing of one period of life and the beginning of another. At this time of year, families become very aware of transitions as related to children. Children are entering kindergarten, moving from elementary to middle school, middle school to high school or from high school to college and into adult life. All of these transitions may create discomfort for children and parents. This column will focus on what is commonly referred to as "the empty nest syndrome" or the parents’ experience when adult children leave home after high school. 

How individuals and families approach transitions will determine how comfortable the transitions will be. Consider the following in family discussions:

• Acknowledging the future transition
• Discussing plans for both children and parents
• Sharing the feelings that endings and beginnings create
• Addressing unresolved issues 

Most parents realize that parenting is a temporary job. Carol Kuykendall, author of "Learning to Let Go," suggests that parents can begin "letting-go" as children grow and gain more independence. Planning for your future begins well before children are ready to leave the nest. Determining what you want your post-parenting life to be like, individually and as a couple, can begin as children leave elementary school. 

As children become more independent, parental roles change. Questions such as "Who am I now?" (as an adult woman or man) or "Who are we now?" (as a couple) spring forth. At first the questions may be difficult to answer. However, the possibilities of rekindling dreams, renewing friendships and refocusing on the marital relationship help answer these questions. 

Johnson and Schelhas-Miller, authors of "Don’t Tell Me What to Do, Just Send Money: The Essential Parent Guide to the College Years" have created a helpful guide for empty nest parents. They address issues from the mom’s/woman’s, dad’s/man’s and couple’s points of view with suggestions of how to with the transition. It is important to acknowledge that each parent may have a different experience and that the couple’s relationship will be affected. Open discussions between the adults are necessary and helpful. 

As your nest empties, there will be a period of mourning as is natural when major changes occur. Allow yourself time to grieve and adjust to the change. Parents who have the most difficulty with the empty nest are those whose major identity has been parent or those who, looking back, have regrets about the lack of effort or time spent as a parent. Communicating regularly with your launched child can help ease the adjustment for both parent and child. 

Now for the good news! Brook Adams, Mississippi State University, stated, "Since parenting teenagers can be very stressful, it may almost be a relief when all the kids have finally left home…. Most parents actually are happier when their children leave the house…. They have more private time and many times marriages improve." Parents usually feel satisfaction and pride when their children enter college because of the realization that they have successfully launched their child into the larger world.

Help is available for couples that would like to reenergize their empty nest marriage. "Loving Midlife Marriage: A Guide to Keep Romance Alive from the Empty Nest Through Retirement" by Palston and Galant and "Fighting for Your Empty Nest Marriage" by Markman are two resources that address mid-life, empty nest marriages. Couples may also seek professional help from a marriage and family therapist to revitalize their marriage or to sort through individual issues.

Louise H. Alderson, MS, LMFT, CFLE is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, a Certified Family Life Educator in private practice, and an empty nester. She helps families, couples, and individuals with challenges during the various stages of their lives. Louise may be contacted at 303-447-2054.21